I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness.
Ironically, this came after I made this comment about my moms’, friends’ banana pudding.
Follow me, I have a point.
(and who doesn’t like stories that start out with banana pudding?!?)
I made a small, thoughtless comment saying the banana pudding had the right amount of diabetes.
which was just my dramatic, and funny way of saying it was really sweet. But, my mom doesn’t follow my sarcastic jokes that well, so she has a thing she says every time I say something sarcastic like that...
“Don’t claim that!”
Literally, any time I’m telling her something that involves me associating myself with something unfavorable she chimes in with “don’t claim that” and it’s followed with me rolling my eyes and then dramatically falling to the ground whilst grabbing my throat as if I can’t breathe bringing life to how I think she takes all the air and oxygen out of a joke.
I responded by telling her that words were like spells.
See, I’ve always had a fascination with magic, and if I’ve watched my fair share of magic shows and read my fill of magic books then when it comes to spells, it isn’t enough to simply say the words. You have to mean them. The magic isn’t in what you say, the magic is in the intention behind what you say.
I mean, I could say (or claim) I’m going to get up and wash the dishes and that means absolutely nothing if I have zero intentions on actually getting up to wash any dishes.
I could also claim money in my bank account, but if I have no intentions on going to work or robbing a bank – that isn’t going to happen either.
& if there was so much power behind the things we claim, how come half of us who claim love and happiness, feel unloved and unhappy?
But why wouldn’t we want, or intend to have happiness? Or have love?
I mean, we could understand why one wouldn’t intend to wash dishes. Completely understandable.
But why wouldn’t we want to be happy?
(& hence – the point)
Our words, or spells, claiming things like love and happiness don’t work because we don’t want happiness, or love.
We want, to want, to be happy.
We want, to want, to love and be loved in return.
Wanting the want, and wanting the thing, aren’t the same thing.
& it’s why a lot of our spells, or the magic behind our words don't seem to be working.
But still, it doesn’t make sense...why wouldn’t we just want these things?
There’s a quote I heard a long time ago, that made sense then, but didn’t weigh as heavy then as it does now, all these years later.
“the invention of the ship, was also the invention of the shipwreck”
See, there’s a little control freak in all of us.
& we love our sense of security. Insurance companies are based on this innate need for our sense of security.
The chances of you being impacted by a flood, or fire, or theft, or earthquake, or whatever is covered in your policy is more unlikely than likely,
But why roll the dice?
Having insurance gives you peace of mind just in case you fall on the short end of the stick with your chances.
We protect ourselves from the thing before the thing happens.
& we call it practicality.
Because, better safe than sorry right?
The problem with having the best thing that can ever happen to you, happen to you?
Is now, the worst thing that can ever happen to you, is possible.
Ship --> Shipwreck.
The only thing, for a lot of us, greater than our desire for love is our fear of heartache.
& the best way to protect your heart from being broken, is keeping it hidden, safe, and protected.
Because the only people who can break your heart, are the ones you let close enough to touch it.
& the only way you can fail, is if you try......
So, no, a lot of us, myself included, don’t want love and happiness.
We want, to want it.
We wish we weren’t so afraid of what could happen so we could go all in, but we are afraid. We’ve just re-disguised that fear as practicality in order to give ourselves permission to not want any of it.
& I wish I had a cure for you, but if I had a cure for you, I’d have one for myself. There’s a reason why I titled this post “Why We Don’t Want to be Happy” and not “How to be Happy”. I don’t know how to fix it, but I do know that the first step to fixing any problem, is to identify the problem. What it is, and why it is and then we can all go from here.....